"Plus" Size Model Kudos

So this blog addresses all kinds of things, especially things that bring us down and how to come back up. I saw this article on facebook and just had to post it. Its about a "plus" size model (who in actuality is a "regular" size 12-14) who posed without being airbrushed or anything for Glamour Magazine. The magazine has gotten some kudos for the article, but I think the media in general should be more aware that people come in all sizes and that some men actually like some meat on a woman's bones. Shocking I know!

http://www.glamour.com/health-fitness/blogs/vitamin-g/2009/08/on-the-cl-the-picture-you-cant.html

I hope you enjoyed the article! Self-image is something that so many women struggle with regardless of their size. They have the magical ability of always finding fault with how they look. I'm sure it adds to the depression that many people feel. Or perhaps the self-image problems are a result of being depressed. And I too fall into the uber self-conscious category when it comes to my body. I have gained 20lbs since my dad died and now its a struggle to lose.

So why don't we all try to find the good in our bodies, and men - make sure you tell all the women in your life just how beautiful they are inside and out!

Kitty Has Been Found. Lets Rejoice!

In my last post I mentioned that Alice's favorite stuffed kitty was missing and that she was just so lost. So lost in fact that she used a plastic slotted spoon in its place (spooney). Luckily I got a call last night saying the kitty had been found. I think maybe he just wanted to take a little vacation and camped out at her friend's house. So we can call off the dogs, cancel the future psych visits over this trauma; my daughter's "security blanket" has been found!

Wouldn't it be nice if as an adult you could have a security blanket? Something you could just carry around to make you feel better and safe. It seems like such a simple idea but becomes so much more complex over time. Perhaps people turn their relationship into their security blanket. Sometimes they become so afraid of letting go of the blanket that they just retreat into a relationship out of a sense of false security. The thought of letting go is terrifying. What would we do out on our own without some protection? How could we possibly make it?

Fortunately, some people realize that security comes in different ways. Family members, friends, personal success (whether it be career or otherwise) and find that strength to go out and take a risk. And I'm not just talking about leaving a bad relationship, I'm talking about leaving a job to go back to school or start a new career, about joining a club or a group. Just allowing you to be yourself and engage in your own interests rather than hiding behind something safe.

I see this a lot with people who have lost someone to suicide or depression as well. People still feel like there is a stigma about this and never talk about what really happened. They hide behind this wall of fear or shame. My own family did this at one point. I had no idea my dad's brother committed suicide about 30 years ago. I was told he died of pneumonia. If I had known about the genetic history maybe I would have spoken to my family about my own depression. Maybe I could have noticed the symptoms in my own dad. Unfortunately I didn't see it because I didn't know it was there. Only after my dad died did we even see that he had a history of depression from the medical questions he filled out when he purchased his life insurance policy. Yet he wouldn't go to the doctor. After he died I started going to a therapist once a week. My mom kept asking if I felt better etc. after one or two visits. I tried to explain that it didn't work that way and I suggested she go see somebody. She asked if it went on your medical record and if anyone would see she was going to someone. She didn't want it "in her record". I think I stared at her in disbelief. I told her that the men in white coats don't come pick you up and take you away. And that more importantly dad was dead because he thought the same way.

Don't worry about everyone else. If you need help go get it! There are plenty of anonymous places to call if you really can't bear to talk to someone about it. But do your self a favor. Please get help if you need it. There is no security in hiding in a corner just because that's what you know. There is so much else to experience out there. Life is what you make it - not what it hands you. We may not all be dealt the same cards, but you can throw some back and get new ones!

Oh and if you have a little one with a "security blanket" and it drives you nuts, don't worry about it. Maybe limit it to the house or night-time, but let them be kids and let them feel safe. After all, you know that you really are their security blanket, and they will realize it soon enough.



"I guess I talk too much. My mom is mad at me... my grandma is mad at me... everyone is mad at me. Yesterday my grandma drank thirty-two cups of coffee. I shouldn't have said anything. I suggested that perhaps her drinking thirty-two cups of coffee was not unlike my need for a security blanket... She didn't like the comparison. "(17 Jan 63) - Linus Van Pelt

Lets Try This Again

Well, I tried to write a sincere blog about dealing with depression, suicide, life change etc., however for reasons I'd like to let drop, I had to erase my original blog.

Depression is a very serious matter, but I try to approach it in an easy way, hoping that I will be able to help others and possibly myself. I am going through a very trying time right now, and I see a blog as a journal to get your thoughts out. Hopefully this will be a therapeutic way to get some of my feelings out.

I like the Alice in Wonderland theme because I feel like it is something many people can identify with. In fact I do believe we are all a bit "mad" at some point or another. Some people pull through quickly and other people linger in this limbo between reality and another world they have made for themselves.

The last half of this year has been a huge challenge for me. My dad committed suicide in August. Honestly, I don't even know if this has truly "hit" me yet as I was also involved in an affair due to feeling sad and lonely in my marriage. My depression masked everything and as a result my world has been turned upside down.

Right now I am dealing with a very loving husband who truly wants me to "get better" and save our marriage and my own thoughts about do I want to save it. I also truly care for the other person involved. He has decided to leave his current marriage. I don't think this was because of me, but that I represented a way out, something he realized he needed to do for a while. None the less, I feel like I have already had a hand in destroying one family be it my fault or not. Do I also want to "destroy" my own? On the other hand do I want to risk falling into this behavior again? I truly believe that if kids have two loving parents they can grow up well adjusted. My kids are lucky - because they do have a great mom and dad. Now we just have to see if mom and dad will live in the same place.

I have placed a one month moratorium on speaking with the other man. I feel that it is only fair to do this to see if my feelings for him are real, to see if some counseling sessions make me want to work harder on my marriage, and well, just some time for me to think.

Its a test - and one of the hardest ones I've ever gone through, but I think its necessary and hope that he realizes that as well.

So this blog will focus on my struggles with depression, my marriage, my dad's suicide and my family. I will also focus on some great organizations that can help people dealing with depression or the loss of a loved one from suicide.