One Year Ago Today - Aug 19th

So today marks the one year anniversary of my dad's passing. And if you have been following along you know my dad committed suicide.

I have to say, you NEVER expect the phone call I got last year at this time. I mean sudden heart attack or car accident - possibly. Your dad hanging himself? Never. Especially my dad. He was a goofball, the life of the party. Apparently he was also a master at covering up his depression and any possible effects of all the medication he was on.

Every 16 minutes someone in the US commits suicide. And its not just the withdrawn teenager. In fact 13% of all deaths in my dad's age group are suicides. Its crazy. Yet so many people cover it up. So many people are ashamed. And that is exactly why these people don't get help. We need to get rid of the stigma surrounding depression. We need to help people who see no other way out. We need them to realize how much the people that are left behind do hurt.

There is a quote that is now very dear to me because I think it is one of the most truthful ones I have ever heard.

"I hope it is true that a man can die and yet not only live in others but give them life, and not only life, but that great consciousness of life." Jack Kerouac

If anything good came out of my dad's suicide its that I now have this great consciousness of life. I realized that I too was depressed and that I needed to make some major changes. I also realize that I hurt some people in the process and for that I am so very sorry. But in the end, I needed to do what was right for me and for the most part it has worked out.

I do have to thank my ex though for being there for me while I was going through this. I know he was just as devastated and made a promise that he would look after his girls. And while I may no longer be a part of that picture, I know he will always look after our girls because he is a wonderful dad. I know he will continue to talk about my dad with them and keep him as a part of his family, and for that I am very grateful.

I don't think I would have gotten the help I did or made the decisions I did had my dad not committed suicide. I knew I needed help and I knew things had to change. And life is better now, but it was terrible for a while and I am glad I had the strength to get through it. I also hope that the people I hurt can understand and are also able to find the happiness they deserve because something good must come out of this.

We all miss you dad. Thank you for all the great times we did have together. I just wish you could have given me the gift of the great consciousness of life in some other way. But then again, I probably wouldn't have seen it if it were just handed to me.

I love you, and hope you are looking down and are proud of us. We need your support always.

Please check out the groups in my links section if you need any info about depression or suicide. There are so many people that want to help. Smash the stigma - get help if you are depressed.