Thursday, April 2, 2009

Why? Why? WHY?

I am so frustrated today. I have gained about a pound a day this week. I am not eating an extra 3500 calories a day here! Can stress really do this to you? I must have some major cortisol problem if that's the case - lol. But I still squeezed myself into my 15lb ago jeans so I do not get comfy in the bigger ones. This weight MUST go away. It doesn't help that I was responsible for the office bagels today. I mean how can I go to Panera and not eat my most favorite bagel (the assiago cheese one) today? Looks like its salad for lunch :)

My body image has always been a major problem for me. I know my depression plays a major role in this, but I just can't seem to shake it. I was doing so well and then my dad died and for reasons beyond my control had to stop going to the gym. I had to get home earlier because my mom had to go back to work and could not watch the girls while I went to work out. It was all downhill from there. But even without the exercise I should have been able to keep my weight at least stable. This weight gain has really gotten me down and I just feel so frumpy lately. I really need to turn this around. I need to find some time and get motivated again - even with all the other stress swirling around me.

On top of that I forgot my blackberry today! How could I forget my crackberry??? Its usually attached to me at the hip. It would be like me forgetting to put my feet on in the morning. Oh wait - they come pre-attached. Maybe THATS why I always remember them. I don't know why I can't remember to do basic things anymore either. It drives me nuts. I pride myself on being pretty smart (wicked smart in fact), yet I can't remember to make a reservation (which reminds me...) Maybe I have to start tying string to my fingers and wiring my jaw shut. Maybe that would solve some of my problems ;)

Maybe I'll take a nice walk tonite. If I remember.

1 comment:

SquirrelQueen said...

Sounds like you are on the right track by writing down your thoughts here. Come join us in the blogging community, some really nice folks in the Coffee Shop.